How we fail when talking about Masculinity Pt 2 - Positive Masculinity Models
What do Jean Luc Picard, Aragorn, and the dad from Bluey have in common? All have been used as positive masculinity models, and we need to stop.
I’m fairly close to the modding team over at the subreddit r/MensLib , probably the best place to find some great feminist takes on masculinity through a community.
The team is very wary about what kind of posts get delivered in the sub, and note that they won’t want to flood the sub with things that have been discussed over and over again, or things that would promote unjust characterization of other people. For example, a common bugaboo for them are posts about the state of dating, because usually the comments will turn in a cesspool of guys complaining about women. So if you want to post about dating, it needs to be a really great post, and even then the mods are wary.
Another common thing that happens is that people find the sub, are all on board for the mission of the sub, and then fire off a question that says something like “Who do you think is a great example of positive masculinity?” It happens so often that even though the mods don’t hate the question, they hate it getting asked so often.
Famously when asked who’s a good positive masculinity model, you would get the same fictional characters like Aragon from Lord of the Rings, or Jean Luc Picard from Star Trek, or Bluey’s dad.
In that thread titled “A mega-list of films and TV series showing Positive Masculinity” the list is long and varied. It ranges from The Harry Potter movies, It Follows, Dead Poets Society, and Avatar: The Last Airbender. The list is so long that it’s honestly exhausting and really begs the question: “What is positive masculinity anyways if it can be all of these things?” and for me it’s “What the hell are you all talking about really?” Because again, much like the Guy Cry thing we talked about in part 1, if you dig a little deeper, just scratch a little further, the idea of positive masculinity model is flawed.
One of my favorite YouTubers, Alice Capelle, did a short video about this very topic titled “Positive Masculinity is Overrated.”
We actually got a chance to talk about it, and she said this about the idea of Positive Masculinity role models:
“Unfortunately, like when you look at the stars, even the Timothée Chalamet, the Harry Styles, you know, all those role models that we project because we don't really know them that much, like maybe they're very toxic but we project all those very positive, healthy masculinity values.
And women, queer people, are drawn to that, but are men really drawn to that, you know? I feel like it requires a certain level of deconstruction, let's say, before they can actually... Be drawn to those things. The aesthetic of, you know, wealth, eccetera, is what is going to bring those men to those sort of ideas.”
So how did we get to this fascination in finding positive male role models? A lot of people now a days would point to Andrew Tate and people of his ilk, and because a lot of young men and boys were drawn to him, the natural progression was to say “Maybe if we had a positive masculinity model, then the boys can learn positive lessons.”
And this idea did not start with Andrew Tate, it’s been around ever since I started thinking about masculinity in general. Honestly I bought into this as well, and that’s because there is some data around it. In 2016, the Alberta Men’s Network released a report called “No Man Left Behind” and it talked specifically about fatherhood involvement in government strategy. This was to prevent family violence.
This is not a singular report, there’s countless of data that mentions involved fathers are connected to a variety of wellness indices, such as involvement in school, less drug use, and lower rates of teen pregnancy. But we are talking fathers here, or at the very least, involved male familial caregivers.
They are not fictional characters, they are not Jean Luc Picard.
But people who think about masculinity are obssessed about this idea that the way to combat toxic masculinity is by exhibiting positive role male role models in media. For example take this article from Glamour Magazine in the UK titled “Can ‘positive masculinity’ influencers beat the sway of Andrew Tate?” It highlights a list of “influencers” that are suppsoed to combat what people like Andrew Tate have said online. From the article:
“We need to have more people in the sports place and in an education setting providing good role models for masculinity because if you don't have good role models, people will latch onto something else, and that's what's happened [with Andrew Tate]. Whether a masculine figure is played by a woman or a man, we need masculinity in our lives.”
And my question, why influencers? Shouldn’t a positive male role model in a young person’s life be way more influential than any of these people. Also aren’t these influencers just playing a losing game? They will never create the amount of contraversy that Tate and others have, therefore will never have the air time like they have.
However, there are some examples of people who are trying their best at being a positive masculinity influencer.
Justin Baldoni, who recently was made Well+Good’s change maker ambassador, with an article that asks “Can Justin Baldoni save Men from themselves?” (A real eye rolling title if ever there was one) talks about how Baldoni and other organizations like Mankind Project, EVRYMAN, and Sacred Sons help men out of their emotional slumber (we’ll talk about those types of organizations in a later post).
I do believe he is to me the closest we have to a popular influencer that talks specifically about masculinity, but he is also stuck in a world prescribing positive masculinity as the cure-all for the “crisis of masculinity.” His way of doing it? To show it on his instagram page:
“Baldoni has taken to his Instagram account, helping to create a vulnerable space by example—something increasingly rare in the world of social media facades. He has shared what the messy side of his spiritual healing looks like (tears included) and opened up about the connection between his physical and emotional pain.”
There’s no real thought as to why this may or may not work. And again, it shows the Guy Cry mentality. His brand again is about emotional vulnerability, and positive male role models, a poorly designed concept. He does have a podcast called Man Enough which talks a little more about society but still sticks to the emotional lives of men more than anything else. Now I don’t except him to be an all around expert in masculinity because he’s not a scholar, but honestly neither am I, so it makes me feel even worse because if I can figure this out, why can’t he? Or his platform? Maybe because it sells?
Scott Galloway recently has been on the masculinity train and kudos to him at least trying to tackle societal issues, but with a weird old school liberal brain. For example, in one episode he mentioned to his guest “I have heard from women that I know, and all of them say they want to date an alpha male” without any hint of curiosity. Well let me tell you Scott, the women in my life that are single all they want is someone who is not an asshole. He’s also mentioned that his role as a father is to be the shit disturber in the house, while his wife (and women in general) should be the ones keeping the rules, with no discussion about emotional labour in the household and how that may hold up.
Scott’s solution for healthier boys by the way, is for people not to seperate
“Marriage isn’t the only way to build a family foundation, but it’s a potent one. Kids raised by married parents have stronger relationships with their fathers, see greater health and educational achievements, and are far less likely to experience physical/emotional/sexual abuse or poverty. Interestingly, girls are less affected by family instability and single parenthood than boys. Likely explanation: Boys are physically stronger and girls are emotionally and mentally stronger.” — Scott Galloway
Again, I’m dubious on this one. It extends the “male role models” data to a weird conclusion.
Agh, all of this makes me want to scream, more because I have seen the same song and dance for 10 years now. And not much has changed. We’re stuck on this treadmill of positive masculinity, when we can’t even define what positive masculinity really is. It’s different for everyone, and it shows up in almost anything if you twist your head slightly. It’s a true undefined concept that people just accept and move on without a hint of critique. It’s reminds me of the “Kindness cures all” method of anti-bullying that doesn’t try to reconcile with structural problems that cause bullying in the first place.
Positive masculinity doesn’t make sense, and therefore positive masculinity role models don’t make sense either. Especially fictional ones.
I don’t blame people for looking for positive masculinity role models, but just like Guy Cry, it’s become a crutch for masculinity speakers everywhere, without a trace of questioning whether it will work or not, or even questioning what it is in general.
Maybe we can be “vulnerable” and question that belief too?