I mean, I was one of those "Nice Guys" growing up. And from what people describe, I just largely have the exact opposite take away. That the harmful delusion is one of confidence and self-esteem.
I know when I was a kid, I had girls signal interest in me, but I was very....hesitant about it largely because I understood I didn't deserve it. That it was probably coming from an unhealthy place, and to accept that was to abuse undue power. And that really kept me out of that place where I end up hurting people. The danger, where you can end up hurting people, is when you delude yourself into believing that you're worth a damn.
Understanding that there's no real place for you in the world is a tough pill to swallow...but it's also super important if you don't want to go down that road. The question is how do we get to a world where this shame, guilt and self-hate are something that's actively valued rather than punished by society, in men.
I honestly don't think shame, guilt, and self-hate should be "valued" at all. They're just strong emotions that are signifiers of what is going inside you and around you. I don't think self-hate is a valuable tool and I think it's confused as humbleness. I think being humble and self-hating are two different things, I also don't think there's any pride in self-hate. The delusion is not anyone cares about you, the delusion is that men believe they are not part of the social construction that is all around you. You are part of this world whether you like it or not.
Love this
Thank you!
I mean, I was one of those "Nice Guys" growing up. And from what people describe, I just largely have the exact opposite take away. That the harmful delusion is one of confidence and self-esteem.
I know when I was a kid, I had girls signal interest in me, but I was very....hesitant about it largely because I understood I didn't deserve it. That it was probably coming from an unhealthy place, and to accept that was to abuse undue power. And that really kept me out of that place where I end up hurting people. The danger, where you can end up hurting people, is when you delude yourself into believing that you're worth a damn.
Understanding that there's no real place for you in the world is a tough pill to swallow...but it's also super important if you don't want to go down that road. The question is how do we get to a world where this shame, guilt and self-hate are something that's actively valued rather than punished by society, in men.
I honestly don't think shame, guilt, and self-hate should be "valued" at all. They're just strong emotions that are signifiers of what is going inside you and around you. I don't think self-hate is a valuable tool and I think it's confused as humbleness. I think being humble and self-hating are two different things, I also don't think there's any pride in self-hate. The delusion is not anyone cares about you, the delusion is that men believe they are not part of the social construction that is all around you. You are part of this world whether you like it or not.